Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
