but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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