I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
