bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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