he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
