dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
