I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
