don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
me + whiskey = a bad person
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
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