We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
