3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
