he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
