ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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