all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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