loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We left the knife in your bed.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
