at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
