I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
