Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I think my moral compass just broke
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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