i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
i think i just lost a toe
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
