im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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