a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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