so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
All the doctor said was why
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
