Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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