the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
are you so shy because you have an std?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
