I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
