I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
