I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
