so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
