she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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