I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
