been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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