oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
