True but thats because hes a fetus.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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