i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
