I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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