How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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