Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
