you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
