I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
