Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
