I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
