Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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