I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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