I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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