sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
