he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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