i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
