She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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