First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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