im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
