It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i already hear my dad disowning me
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
3pm strippers are depressing
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
