i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize