I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
