if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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