I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
