You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
you never un-have a 4some
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
