There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
