My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
