weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
