Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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