I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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