I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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