Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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