if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
