I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
