I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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