she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
