Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
