I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
